Justin's Writings

    "Welcome to the 29th annual Good Old Days Festival!" We heard over the loud speakers as we pulled up to our uncle's house across the street from Kennedy Park.
    "Justin! You didn't tell us that the festival was this weekend!" Nick said as he got out of his car.
    "If I knew, I'd have told y'all, Nick. And it's only Monday. It goes all week now. so you have the rest of the week!"
    Heather got out of nick's car as Beth and I jumped out of my truck and started towards Uncle Tom's front door. "The truck isn't here. You think he's home?" Heather asked. I knocked on the door.
    "He said he would be. I don't know why he'd tell us he'd be here at noon..." I tried to open the door, but it was locked. "If he wasn't going to be here." I said slowly.
    "Well. He'll see your truck here when he comes back. Let's go see what's going on this year." Bethany said.
    The four of us walked across the street and started looking for anyone we knew. There were only a few people that Nick and Heather used to go to school with, but they weren't anyone that they used to talk to. After visiting all the vendors, about three or four times, we noticed the uncles Sierra in the drive across the street.
    Nick walked up and knocked on the door. Uncle Tom came to the door, and opened it saying "Here's trouble!"
    "Yea! Us troublesome nieces and nephews are here." Nick came back. We walked into his living room and plopped down on the couch as he went to the fridge to get a beer.
    "Erin at her mothers?" Beth asked seeing that she wasn't wrapped around her father's leg.
    "Yea. She asked if you were coming to visit." he said as he pulled up a chair from the dinning room table.
    "What time did you take her back?" Bethany asked again.
    "About ten of eleven."
    "Awe! We just missed you!" I jumped in. "We got here at five of!"
    "Well..." My uncle started through the short silence. "The table here and the chairs in the other living room are what your here for." Nick and I got up and started taking the table apart so it'd fit in my truck wile Beth, Heather, and Uncle Tom sat and watched, talking about Erin. Nick and I moved onto the chairs as the trio, still sitting, moved onto talking about all the people coming to the park for the Good Ole Days.
    Wile I was strapping the table and chairs down in my truck, a girl caught my eyes. "Nick. See that chick across the street pushing that little kid on the swing?"
    "Yea. What about her?"
    "Do you recognize her? I think I know her, but I'm not really sure."
    "I couldn't tell you!" Nick said as he slammed the tailgate up and headed to the house. I followed him, turning to look at her multiple times.
    When inside, Nick had to rip Bethany and Heather off the couch to leave. We said our goodbyes to the uncle and headed out. I told Nick that I had to run to Mays Landing, so I'd be meeting them a bit later.
    After they left, and I behind them, I took the circle all the way around, and went back to the park. I pulled my truck into a parking spot and walked around to the swings where I had seen that girl that I thought I knew. She was there, still pushing a little girl on the swing, talking to two other people. She was wearing a pink V-cut shirt with a white laced undershirt, and a roughed up pair of dark blue jeans. Her bright blonde hair was blowing in her face, and she kept pushing it behind her ear.
    As I walked closer, I could see who looked to be her mother, give her a hug and a kiss and walk away. The other girl, a little younger then her, follow the other woman off to the bay area.
    I walked by her just to see if I could recognize who she was. And as I walked by, I realized that it was a girl that I went to high school with.
    "Hey, Nicole." I said as I put my hand on her left shoulder.
    "Wow! Justin!" She said after spinning around to see who I was. "How have you been?" she asked.
    "I've been good. How about you? What have you been up too?"
    I've been alright. Just got back from school in California." She answered.
    "That's awesome! What school?"
    "Southern Cal."
    "Nice!" I stated.
    "Yea. You out of school now?"
    "Yea. I just graduated about two months ago."
    "That's good." She paused. "Well, I have to go." She pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of her white purse. "Turn around." I turned around and she wrote using my back as a table. "Here." she said as she handed me the now folded paper. "Keep in touch. It was good talking to you again, Justin."
    "Ok." I said as I took the paper and stuffed it in my pocket. I gave her a hug and we said out good byes. I walked to my truck and immediately put her home and cell numbers into my cell. Then I started for home.

    "Lucky you, dude!" Nick threw words at me as I walked in the door.
    "What?" I asked.
    "Michele just called for you."
    "Why would she call me here?" I asked wondering why the heck a girl that flipped out on me just two months ago, and hasn't said a word to me since, wanted to talk to me.
    "She said she has to talk to you."
    "It's cause I'm committed... kinda."
    "What's that?" Bethany asked.
    "Um..." I paused and now everyone, being Nick, Heather, Beth, and both my parents, was glaring at me. "Well..." I paused again, and Nick yelled at me.
    "'Well' what!?"
    "Well..." I continued. "I saw an old friend. And she knows from before that I liked her." I was interrupted before I could finish.
    "Who is it?"
    "Bethany! Let me finish! Damn!" I paused to regain my composure. "She knows that I like her and I would like to go out with her, so I may just skip the party that I was invited to and take her out."
    There was a long silence, followed by all but Bethany walking away.
    "So..." She started. "Who is it?" I just walked up to my room.
    As I sat on my bed, I thought of how long I have liked Nicole, and how long it has been since her and I have actually had a decent conversation. "How long has it been... ten years? That's a LONG time!" I thought dropping my head into my hands. "Wow! I hope that she still likes me the same." Nick walked in and plopped his butt right next to me.
    "So..." he started. "This is the girl that was in the park?"
    "What!?" I asked rhetorically.
    "Well. Uncle Tom called saying that he saw you in the park after you left."
    "Um..." I paused. "Yea."
    "And Michele wanted to know if you had gotten the email she sent you." He picked up my laptop off the end table and handed it to me.
    "Thanks." Nick got up and walked out of the room. I hadn't viewed either of my emails for almost a week, so I knew looking for a specific one would take forever. I opened the screen and turned the computer on. I opened firefox and signed into my personal email. Having about two pages of new emails, I searched down the list for Michele's. It wasn't on either page, so I logged out and signed into my school email. There were another two pages of unread emails here, and, wouldn't ya have guessed it, Michele's was the last one on the last page.



            Justin,
        I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being a
        pain to you. I've liked you since I've met
        you, and you've told me the same.
        The reason I told you it wasn't going to
        work is because my mother has a strict
        dating policy, and I'm not aloud to date
        anyone outside my age group. About
        two days ago, I told her off and said I am
        going to date anyone I want. And, Justin,
        I want that to be you! I hope that you will
        accept my apology, and my offer.

        I love you
            Michele



    I tried as hard as I could that night to try to accept her apology. I just couldn't. And not because I had mine eye on someone, but because the way she treated me when all I was trying to do was love her. My feeling was it was all a game to her. All some messed up game. I don't like games, especially relationship ones. I had been involved in those before, and I didn't like them then! Just something inside told me not to go down that road again. And following my heart, I decided that, at this time, Michele was not the right choice. I had already closed the lid of my laptop and gotten ready for bed.

    I woke up about noon, and went down stairs to go to the bathroom. Then I proceeded to go back upstairs to relax with a few games of poker on my computer. I logged on and a pop-up informed me that I had a new email. I signed into my email and it was another email from Michele. This one said she needed to talk to me, and it was sent only fifteen minutes ago. I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket of yesterday's jeans and dialed her number.
    "Can I help you?" I asked her when she answered.
    "Yea."
    "How can I help you?" I asked again.
    "You can say "yes" and come up here and bring me home with you."
    "WHAT!?" I interrupted. "Say what!?"
    "Go out with me and get me out of here!" she answered. I paused a long pause. "Justin?" she finally said to see if I was there.
    "I can't."
    "Why not?" she asked.
    "Because I'm already gone."
    "What?"
    "I've decided to decline your offer."
    "Why!?" She exclaimed.
    "I just don't see how we can be together because the way you treated me before! It just isn't going to work!" She didn't say a word for a few seconds. "I'm sorry, but this is where my heart is telling me to go."
    "Oh." she said in a low, soft tone. "I guess..." She paused. "I guess, I'll catch ya later." She hung up and I felt like that hadn't gone the way I thought it would.
    I threw my phone on the chair. I ran down stairs and, without answering six different attempts by two different people where I was going, I got in my truck and took off.

    When I got home from my drive around South Jersey to clear my head, it was about seven, and I went right up stairs and fell right into bed.
    "Justin." I heard a voice about three seconds after I slammed my face into the pillow.
    "Nick." I returned.
    "Where'd you go?"
    "Around."
    "Where's that at?"
    "Down, then up and over, then back across, then down again." Moving my hand in the direction that I was talking without even lifting my head off the pillow.
    "Nicole's house?"
    "SshhWHAT!?" I yelled sitting up and staring him straight in the eye.
    "It was just a question!" he defended himself.
    "No. I didn't go to Nicole's house. I drove down to Cape may point, then half way up route 55, then across on some road that I've never been on in my life, then all the way down the parkway."
    "Wow!" he exclaimed. "That's why you were gone all afternoon."
    "Yea."
    "Where'd you go for dinner?"
    "I actually stopped at a diner, and had some breakfast. Bacon and eggs, toast, pancakes."
    "Damn! Hungry much?"
    "I hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon!"
    "Hey! Relax! I'm just messin' round!"
    "I'm sorry. I'm just mad that nothin's going right. The girl I wanted a month ago, emails me saying she wants me now, and I tell her no cause I'm already perusing someone else." I paused. "It just wasn't a good day." I said falling back into my bed.
    "Dude. Nicole gave you her number. That means you call her. Not her call you!" He started out the door. "You didn't give her your number!" he said just before he closed the door.
    I looked at my watch. "Eight thirty." I thought to my self. I reached over for my cell phone on the chair next to the bed, picked it up, and dialed her home number. There was no answer, and I wasn't going to leave a message, so I hung up and dialed her cell number.
    "Hello?"
    "Hey, Nicole. It's Justin."
    "Hey! Hold on a second. Gotta get off the other line." A few seconds later, she came back. "I'm back. What's up?"
    In my best Southern pride voice, I started, "I'm gonna get right down to the point."
    "Ok." she stated in more of a question tone of voice.
    "Nicole, I don't care about anything. I just have to tell you that I've always, since the first day I met you, liked you!" There was a silence between us, and I thought to my self, "Justin, You ruined another one!" "I'm sorry if that caught you off guard. I'll let you back to what you were doing before I intruded."
    "No! Justin! Don't go. Please? It's not that at all. It's just that..." I interrupted her.
    "You already have someone, don't you?"
    "It's not that! I just don't know what to say to that." she answered.
    "Say that you'll go out with me, then!" I came back.
    "Justin! We don't even know each other that well! We haven't held a conversation before yesterday in over four years!"
    "I'm truly sorry for ruining your night."
    "Justin!" She blurted out. I kept going as if she hadn't said anything.
    "I'm sorry that I even called you and I guess I'll catch you later." She had continued to try to get my attention three or four times during that last sentence. "Yes?"
    I could hear her trying to stop her sobbing. "Justin. Please stop." She paused for a moment, then continued. "I remember waiting for you in the hallways in school. Just waiting for you to walk by and say hi. Just to see the smile on your face made me smile. That smile that I gave wasn't a fake one. It was the smile you make me smile. And even Eric saw the smile I gave to you. He asked me multiple times why I gave you a different smile then I gave him. At first, I thought I was giving you the same smile I gave everyone else. But when some of my friends noticed it, they told me that it wasn't." She paused again. "I guess what I'm trying to get at is, Justin, I like you, too! I really do. I'm just not sure that us being a couple is right at this point in time."
    I was trying to hold back my own tears. "Then just see me. Go to a concert or something with me, dinner, even if it's just pizza at Kirk's! Something. Just as old friends reacquainting ourselves. Let me show you who I am. Show me who you are. Just once. That's all I ask. Just once." There was a long quietness on both sides of the phone. It felt like ten minutes had gone by, although it was probably closer to one or two. "Please, Nicole?" I finally asked.
    "We'll start off with one. But If we go anywhere other then Kirk's and a concert, its going to be us and some friends, until otherwise specified."
    "That's fine with me. As long as we can show each other who we've become."
    There was a long silence between the two of us, followed by Nicole saying, "Justin, I have to go. I'll talk to you later?"
    "Yes. You will."
    "Ok. Talk to you later."
    "Goodnight, Nicole."
    "Goodnight, Justin."

    It was really hard, but I waited a few days before I talked to Nicole again. Not only because I was still emotional, but I know how emotional she could get. Those were the longest two days of my life.
    About noon on Thursday, I decided that I'd call her and try and talk to her; this time trying not to use emotions in the conversation.
    "Hey, Justin." she said sounding either drunk or as to have just woke up.
    "Are you ok, girl?"
    "I think so. I was just sleeping."
    "Oh! I'm sorry!"
    "It's ok." she interrupted.
    "No it isn't! I'm sorry for waking you up. I'll let you back to sleep."
    Sounding a bit more awake now, she stated again, "Don't worry about it. I'm awake now." She laughed a bit. "What's on your mind?"
    "Well. I just wanted to ask you about what went on Tuesday night."
    "I kinda..." She stopped.
    "Don't hold back. No matter what you say, I won't be mad or hate you or anything like that. I'll take whatever you have. I asked the question, I'll take the response." I walked up the steps towards my room.
    "I just want to say that I've been kinda thinking about it. And I've come to the conclusion that I should give you the chance that I wish that I had with a few people. It isn't just a one sided thing. I'm not the only person that has wished just for a chance with someone to never get that chance." She paused. "Hold on a second, Justin." I heard her put me on hold, and I threw myself down onto my bed.
    "I'm sorry. My mom had to talk to me."
    "Its ok. Been there, done that."
    Nicole laughed and started again. "Why did you want to know about Tuesday?"
    Ok. What I really wanted to know was what you were doing tomorrow night?"
    "Well." she said in one of those voices where it is difficult to tell what her next move might be. "I was kinda thinking Kirk's?"
    Bethany busted in. "Mom..." I waved my arm at her motioning her to be quiet.
    "Five?" I asked.
    "Sounds good to me. Do you remember where I live?"
    "Yea! At the end of that long dirt road off of River."
    "Yea, I'm still back there."
    "Ok. I guess I'll see you tomorrow around seven?"
    "See you tomorrow." she said giggling. "Goodbye, Justin."
    "Goodbye and good night." I hung up the phone and tossed it on my chair.
    "Mom wants you, Justin." Bethany demanded.
    I walked down stairs and into living room. "Yea, Mom?"
    "Dad's going to need your truck for tomorrow night."
    "Why?" I said trying to as much information as I could without giving any out.
    "We have to pick up some plywood for church."
    "Well..." I paused. "I have plans."
    "You can take his car."
    "You can't take the van?" I asked them with the anxious tone in my voice.
    "It won't fit in the minivan."
    "I meant the church van. Its gotta fit in there!"
    "Where are you going?" They have moved to the third degree tactic. I wouldn't have any of it.
    "Out with a friend."
    My dad chimed in. "What's her name?"
    "I could tell you..." I paused. "But then I'd have to kill you!" I gave one of those fake, huge smiles. "I'm taking my truck. That's that." I said straight up and went back upstairs.

    I woke up the beautiful smell of bacon! I walked down stairs and found out that Nick, Heather, and Bethany were eating and hadn't left any for me. After beating Nick for not leaving any eggs, I drove over to Wawa to get some more.
    After pulling into the driveway, and almost hitting the cat sleeping in the driveway, I walked inside and turned on the stove. Slapping the last five pieces of bacon on the skillet, I then turned to the egg carton and cracked four eggs into a bowl. Whisking them up, I then took some of the cooked bacon, and smashed it up, then mixing it in the beaten egg.

    After breakfast, I proceeded to relax for my "date" (If it could even be called that) I had that night. Only crawling out of bed for a loud crash that happened, and that was just Bethany trying to put the washed frying pan away.

    About four, I was called down for dinner, and politely declined, saying I was eating with a friend later in the evening. I then got up out of the bed and collected some clean clothes for a shower. After getting out of the shower, I ran upstairs to throw on some deodorant. I grabbed my phone, wallet, and keys, and ran out the door.
    As I was driving back to Dennisville, I felt lost not knowing all the new developments. All the side streets and houses back off the main roads almost made me wonder if development New Jersey would ever slow down. I pulled off onto River Road and almost the one hundred and eighty degree turn onto that back dirt road, which not even I knew the name of.
    At the end of the road was the house I wish I could have been to more. Short of elegant, but way above the usual trailers of the area, the off white, two story home was just like I had remembered it. I walked up to the brown door and knocked.
    "Justin?" Rose Henderson, Nicole's mom and a friend of our family from church long ago, answered the door.
    "Hey! How are you?" I asked as I gave her a hug.
    "I've been good. How about you?" She asked as she welcomed me in. "You just graduated college I've heard."
    "Yea. About two months ago."
    "That's great. But seeing you so grown up make me feel old. We both laughed a little.
    "You said it, not me!" I said, as we both laughed more.
    "Nicole had just run upstairs to grab her purse and some things."
    We stood talking for about five minutes before Rose went up stairs to look for Nicole. When Nicole came down, wearing a baby blue collared shirt, and a pair of dark blue, almost skin tight jeans, tatters and tares in the knees. I looked at her as I did the first time I met her. In utter amazement! Her golden hair flowed perfectly straight down, just below her shoulders. I went back to her walking through the room. "Beautiful." I said thinking out loud.
    "Justin." she said giggling.
    I shook my head to snap myself out of the trance. "I'm sorry."
    She said, still laughing I must add, "It's ok."
    "Shall we?" I asked holding out my hand like the perfect gentleman, and was so noted by her mom. Nicole put her hand on mine and we walked out to my truck. I helped her in, shut the door and then climbed up and in and tore out of the driveway and down the dirt road.
    Knowing in my head that I only had, this time around anyway, the ride there, dinner, and then the ride back, I managed to take the long way there. We talked about anything from family and friends to future plans and jobs, to where we wanted to settle in. Sitting down at Kirk's, I asked her what she would like to drink and what she wanted on her pizza.
    "Pepsi sounds good. And whatever. I don't care."
    "That's not a good enough answer, Nicole. It's whatever you want."
    "Fine. Bacon sound good?"
    "If that's what you want, that's what I'll get!"
    "Justin!" She grabbed me as I started to walk away. "Just because that's what I want, doesn't mean that's what you have to have."
    I knelt down and looked her in the eye. "Girl," that's what I was going to get anyway!" I stood up and stuck my tongue out as I walked away.
    I walked up to the counter and ordered a bacon pizza, a Pepsi, and iced tea, paid, and walked back to the table.
    Again, we had talked about the random stuff, but also some not so random stuff. Favorite colors, lucky numbers, prior relationships, and a bit of what we had thought about each other in the past. Our pizza came and we continued to talk about these things and before we knew it, it was almost eight.
    "Well, Justin." she said standing up. "I guess we should be getting going."
    "Yea." I said reluctantly.
    I walked her out to the truck, and again helped her up into it.
    "Justin?"
    "Yes, Nicole?"
    "Can I ask you something?"
    "Too late."
    "Shut up!" she yelled at me as she punched my shoulder.
    "What's up, babe?"
    She looked at me as to ask "what is that all about?"
    "What?" I asked.
    "What would you say if..." She paused.
    "I don't need to be anywhere tonight, if that's what you mean."
    "A lake?" she offered up.

    I drove around for a wile, just for the sake of driving around in big circles for a few minutes before pulling down a dirt road. With out Nicole noticing, I positioned the truck facing north, so the beautiful July sunset came through my windshield.
    "Wow! It's beautiful!" she said in utter amazement.
    "Isn't it?" I asked rhetorically as I backed the truck up so the bed faced west, and perpendicular to the water. I climbed out of my truck and walked over to the passenger side. I opened the door and helped her out. Then, taking her hand, I walked over to the back and dropped the tailgate and helped her in.
    For more then three hours, we sat and talked, and shared a few emotional, sensual kisses. The night finally got the best of us and we made love at the waters edge. After helping the dead tired angel into my truck, I started towards her house. The twenty minute drive felt like two. Pulling her out and carrying her into her room, I laid her in her bed and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
    "I haven't seen her knocked out like that since she was four." I heard from across the room. Startled, I looked up to find Mrs. Henderson standing in the doorway.
    "She is out, ain't she?" Both of us just looked at Nicole laying there in bed. "You have one beautiful daughter." I said again.
    "She's just lucky to have someone like you around."
    I looked at Mrs. Henderson and smiled, then headed for the front door.

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